Other than that, everything is just dandy. The meteorologists were right; it cooled down enough to sleep with the windows alone and today I don�t feel the inherent need to be naked all the time. Not that there�s anything wrong with being naked; nothing at all. In fact, I love being naked, but with the obnoxious neighbor children outside at all times and the possibility of them looking up and into our apartment, I really don�t think nudity is appropriate in broad daylight unless the curtains/blinds are drawn. Okay, I take that back. Just earlier this afternoon, I was waltzing about the house in a pair of black sating skivvies and nothing else. Not naked, no, but pretty damn close.

We spent cuddle time again last night; only it got to go beyond cuddling. I wasn�t terribly into the whole thing at first because I had been feeling very disconnected for most of the day and definitely not affectionate in any measure, but eventually, I let myself get lost and enjoyed myself, even if his fingernails are a bit long and he accidentally gouged me slightly. Unfortunately, I had another really fucked up dream that seemed to come out of nowhere.

In said dream, one of C�s friends whom I have met a couple of times before died in a car accident. Almost immediately, ceremonies were being held; funerals, school memorials in a school I don�t recognize, people sitting around crying. Jump to later on when Luke is pregnant, yes pregnant, with girl twins whom we planned to name Foxglove, something we actually have in mind for a daughter, and Touch. Suddenly, it�s no longer Luke who is pregnant, but a cat, and Luke is sitting with friends who don�t exist and me talking about the cat. Enter Faith of Buffy lore and you�ve got some really messed up stuff going on inside my head while I sleep so peacefully. My nightmares actually came up during out cuddling last night and Luke told me that I occasionally talk during them, that even though he can�t decipher my speech, he knows that something bad is up and he wakes me up and holds me before I have a chance to get too freaked out. When I was little, I would often have nightmares. I once didn�t sleep (that I know of) for six weeks following a haunted house visit when I was four. I stayed up during the nights and drew or watched television until it turned to snow. My mother finally saw fir to do something about it, realizing that even during the day I would suddenly start crying seemingly without reason and she got me a sort of Guardian Doll. That helped. Unfortunately, the Guardian Doll couldn�t go everywhere with me and it made driving very difficult for me, as I was unable to see the color red without thinking about blood and I couldn�t read signs reading �Ice Ahead� because I would envision disembodied heads rolling around. I still remember some of the nightmares from that period and from others.

Some of my nightmares have been illuminating later one, telling me things at a very early age that I wouldn�t realize until I was 17. One involved me at 6 years old, searching for my mother at a babysitter�s house. The male babysitter would tell me that she was working and I would go look for her, but she wouldn�t be there. Said babysitter was also presumably taking care of some of my friends from the time, people I went to first grade with, and he made us all wear bathing suits. Eventually, I discovered my mother, floating naked and dead in the bathtub and decided that since there was nothing I could do, I took off on a tricycle with my friends, rescuing them from the man who was going to abuse and then kill us. Like I said, it wasn�t until 11 years later, when I was 17 and had moved out of a very treacherous situation that I realized that the dream was right; I had to forget about saving my mother from her personal demons and save myself instead. But, nothing�s foolproof and I do have a few very tiny little demons running amok. Luckily, there�s a bigger demon fighter in there with a tazer gun who gives them a zap when they decide to act up.