� 2003-05 Design and Content by Disco
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@ 8:44 pm on 07.04.03
I wasn�t really planning on writing an entry today because I am short on time and really warm, but I was prompted to by Simply-red and her anger-fueled entry regarding anorexia and bulimia. I have dealt with disorderly eating and still deal with it on occasion, but over all I have learned that starving myself and working out to excess simply is not healthy and the size and shape of my body does not dictate my own worth. Yes, I am still proud when I manage to go x-amount of time without eating, but I don�t refuse to eat on a regular basis, proving that I am no longer controlled by a fear of food. I can remember agonizing about what to put on my bread, trying desperately to choose between honey or a thin layer of applesauce with some cinnamon sprinkled on top of it. Butter and peanut butter were horrifying, even though I had previously loved them. It makes me angry to read about girls who are forever striving to kill themselves slowly, idolizing the fur that grows on the bodies of those with too little body fat, wanting to fell their heart beat irregularly, and relinquishing themselves to what is really a very unhappy existence. Unfortunately, I also desperately want to help them to see that death is not the best option. Being unable to sit comfortable on any surface because your bones stick out is really not a fun thing.The pervasion of the �thin is best� mindset in the Western world angers me even further. Were it not for this brainwashing in the media and society, in part due to porn, acceptance of people no matter their size would be the norm. It�s possible to be bigger and hot, too. Ask my boyfriend. Ask men of African-American and Latin descent. Go ahead and ask your own boyfriend; chances are that he�s a closet flesh lover himself. If he can�t appreciate ass, hips, and tits, then there�s something clearly wrong with him. If he tells you that he�ll dump you if you dare gain weight, no matter the cause, dump him now and make sure to damage his genitals with a good pair of Docs for me while you�re at it.
Luke gets out of work tonight at 9, so I don�t have much longer to write here. I had the chance to spend some time with Andy this afternoon after dropping Luke off at work. We rented Legally Blonde, a new-to-me film and I found myself liking it in spite of my previous misgivings. Andy also made me a CD copy of the B-52s Cosmic Thing album, which I previously had on audio cassette taped for me by my dad when I was just a little thing, but I screwed the pooch by accidentally taping over it last summer. He also copied the White Stripes Elephant for me so that I can give it to Luke as a birthday gift.
I think Jim may be buying Chuffy off of us for a small sum. He can probably get it running. I have to talk it over with the boy first, as his name is on the title too.
I had to stroll the mall with my re-fucked back with Luke as he went about returning his unwanted birthday fodder and searching for his perfect pair of shoes. We made the unfortunate mistake of going into Gloria Jean�s for a beverage where I got a too sweet strawberry slushy type thing (I did finish it) and Luke got a mocha malt that tasted like a sugar-laden Slim Jim. No joke. He ended up tossing it after three sips; 4 dollars in the trashcan.
And I�m spent. Not only that but I have to put on some pants and clean up after my dinner before going to get Luke. That�s right, girls and boys, I�m a-sitting in my undies: an adorable stretchy pink cami and purple VS bikini skivvies with pink trim. I�d be damned cute were you to see me.
