� 2003-05 Design and Content by Disco
||||
@ 12:11 pm on 01.28.03
Sunday night we had what we�re hoping will be our last talk about what we each need from each other all the time and not just some of the time. Discussing things is hard for me, but he�s been asking me to learn how instead of just shutting down for almost our entire relationship and I decided that if I love him, I at least have to give it a go. All in all, it went well. I cried a little bit, but that�s to be expected when one of you is feeling consistently neglected despite having brought up the subject twice already in one week.We decided that he needs to act more than he speaks and I need to speak more than I act since him just saying it isn�t enough for me and me just giving signals isn�t enough for him. It worked well for the trial run yesterday. When I said I wanted him to spend time with me, he avoided the computer and he did a lot of cuddling with me, which was wonderful.
Andy came over last night and we went to get food from Subway. Bad idea. You�d think I would have learned my lesson when I went with Andy a few weeks ago and was violently ill shortly thereafter, but I didn�t. This time, consider the lesson learned. Gone are the days of an ironclad stomach for me. Fast food of almost every variety now makes me sick before I have the chance to blink. Of course, this is not necessarily for the worst. Everybody knows that fast food is bad for a body, so if the body won�t tolerate it, all the better for me, I suppose.
I also worked out this morning for the first time in about six months. Luke and I were doing really well about going to the gym every day during a good portion of the summer, but several wrenches ended up in the spokes and we just stopped going. I�ve been flirting with the idea of starting up again for several days and woke up this morning with a burning desire to just go ahead and do it. I figured that if I�m going to be spending several hours being intensely bored, I might as well occupy one of said hours with making myself a little healthier. I didn�t go to the gym as it�s snowing out and I really didn�t feel like shocking my body by freezing my butt off walking there followed immediately by pumping up the heart rate and body temperature.
Instead I worked out here in the apartment and had a fine time of it. I had forgotten how good it feels to just move for an hour straight and then be able to relax afterwards. I was also surprised at how quickly the time passed. This time it doesn�t matter whether I lose weight or not and I refuse to deprive myself of things that I want. Last time I did it, I ended up really damaging myself by losing too much too fast and then not eating to help it along. I found myself getting sick all the time and being extremely neurotic about food.
I feel good today.
