I told this to Luke today and all he did was yell at me, saying that all I did was tell him that he doesn�t do anything. He thinks I�m angry with him when what I really am is inconsolably sad that he doesn�t understand what I�m saying to him when I say that I want more time that is dedicated to just us. He thinks I�m saying that he should get me more crap that I don�t need when all I really want is time. He doesn�t understand why I don�t want to have sex with him, why I can�t bring myself to be intimate when I feel so under-appreciated and ordinary. All I want is to feel special and as gently and as much as I say it, he still doesn�t understand.

I don�t know why it is so difficult for me to express what I want, why it�s so damned hard to just say that I want time. I did today, though, and he just got angrier with me. I told him exactly what I�ve been saying here and all he could tell me was that he does do things for me, namely getting me stuff, but no matter how many times I told him it wasn�t about stuff, he kept at it. Why is it that my point isn�t getting across? Am I not making myself clear enough or does he have blinders on? He asks me if I ever consider how he feels, and I do. He always seems perfectly happy with the status quo and he never indicates otherwise, so I don�t know why he would ask such a thing. If his behavior indicates happiness, I infer happiness on his part. Reading him is not rocket science nor is reading me and what I am saying clearly and concisely.

I�ve been crying all morning/afternoon because I know that we are truly at an impasse this time.