Ever since I was a kid, I have always run from problems with people. Only, when I was a kid, I had a room of my own to go to and I wasn�t forced to share such a small space with another person. Sometimes, I would just take a long walk, but I can�t do that here because I don�t know my way around the neighborhood terribly well and if I just up and walk off, I still have to come home to someone who�s been out looking for me. I also can�t just go and spend the night with friends because I don�t have any here.

In case I haven�t been clear enough, I�m not happy. We got into it shortly before Luke had to go to work and again in the car outside the store as I was dropping him off. I drove home in tears and told him that I won�t be bringing him his dinner at 7 tonight. In fact, I think he might even be lucky if he gets picked up at 11:30. It�s times like these that I just wish that I were single. Yes, maybe I�d be wallowing in my loneliness, but at least I�d still have some respect for myself for not being a complete pansy and wanting to run away. He doesn�t understand that just because he pays my way doesn�t mean that he�s entitled to maid service. He also doesn�t seem to understand that romantic gestures are still a necessary thing. He says that he gets me stuff from the store, but it�s usually old magazines that I don�t give two shits about and I don�t even know the last time he made a romantic gesture; not even on Valentine�s Day did I get a hint of anything. I just keep thinking that when the day comes for him to propose � if he ever does � he�ll plunk it down in front of me and say, �So, this is what you wanted, huh? I�m assuming it�s a yes� with little to-do.

I�ve said it before and I�m going to say it again: I don�t want diamonds and roses; I just want a nice dinner cooked for me, cleaned up without my having to do it, and a night without television, maybe some candles and a massage without worrying about whether I have to put out. I want to feel really, intensely pampered and turned on, the animal magnetism of longing for him, of knowing that I am the only thing that matters to him. I don�t know what that feels like anymore, but I am sure that I would recognize it were it to return to me. I am sick of having better sex by myself than I do with my significant other.