I had my first infection when I was 19 and had been drinking regularly, screwing around a little, sitting around in a wet bathing suit, and ingesting lollipops daily. This is most reminiscent of that first one, if only in sensation. 7 months later and involved with Luke, I got another, this one not so much uncomfortable as inconvenient. I continued to get them once every two months for roughly the next year. Eventually, it came down to me having grown allergic to over the counter creams, so during my last bout in October, I had the NP at Planned Parenthood phone in a prescription for Diflucan. It worked like a charm, with none of the rawness and bleeding I had come to associate with even the gentlest of OTC remedies.

But now I�m frustrated and angry. A receptionist called me back and told me that the new NP cannot call in an order for me. Apparently, because the old one never actually diagnosed me with yeast, the new one cannot write me a script or even take my word that I have chronic problems with it and I now have to suffer with bleeding and more discomfort than is actually caused by the infection itself. I�m so pissed off, on the verge of crying from the discomfort I�m experiencing and the unfairness of having to go with a more harmful route.

I had to bring Luke his lunch today. As soon as we got outside, I told him �I have some bad news.�

L:�What?�

Me: �I have to call Planned Parenthood.�

L: silence, worried that I�m pregnant

Me: �I have a really bad yeast infection and I have to get Diflucan.�

L: �Oh, well, at least it�s free.�

Me: �No, it�s not. It�s $30.�

L: �Shit. But, your health is more important than a hit to the wallet, so go for it. I�m sorry, honey.�

Me: �It�s not your fault, hon.�

L: �I know. I�m just tired of us getting socked with one health problem after another.�

As life would have it, we�ll be cruising along, both right as rain, when something will wallop one of us. Before that one has a chance to fully recuperate, the other gets nailed with something completely different, each of us suffering no fewer than two things apiece. This is the cycle we live with. For the moment, it�s me with a back injury, him with a cold or allergies, me with a yeast infection, and him yet to pick up his second ailment.

For some reason, elements of his past major relationship still haunt bits of this one, despite my never having exemplified traits even remotely similar to hers and our never having even a single scare. His earliest and biggest fear with me was that I would get pregnant. Every time I was quiet and not feeling well, he�d ask if that was what was wrong. The only thing he knows for sure is that, in our case, the cell cluster would be his, not that of some guy I met at a concert. She was evil, first not telling him that she had cheated, and second telling him that she was pregnant from it. Luckily, Luke dragged it out of her and refused to pay for the abortion, saying that if he wasn�t responsible, fiscally he wouldn�t take the hit.

Were I to get pregnant right now, as vehemently pro-choice as I am, I know that I would have a hard time deciding what to do. Knowing that, though unplanned, it was created out of love, I don�t know that I would absolutely say that I had to abort. This is part of the reason why taking my birth control is a daily ritual for me. I don�t want the anguish of making such a decision, as I would know what was right, but would more than likely want to play the odds and continue the pregnancy.

It�s hard, this intense loving. Were we casually dating, there would be no muddling about. I would head to the nearest clinic, he would pay for it, and the problem would go away. But, here in this bond, there is so much more to be considered.