Nigel the Pug was poorly behaved per usual, Luke�s grandma saying that she doesn�t even have to safeguard the house for J�s poorly behaved two and four year olds. It�s bad when a dog is more lacking in composure than a two year old. When he was getting into something, M would scold him in her baby voice and then tell him he was good. What kind of message is that? Last I checked, in order to dissuade anyone, dogs and cats included, from doing something, you are supposed to sound at least remotely stern. Instead the dog gets praised for doing wrong.

I spoke with my family on Easter. They all seem to being doing quite well. My fears regarding my Grandmama were assuaged, as she sounded so very chipper and happy. She said that she had been thinking of me this past week, so I chalked my panic up to having been misread and it was just her thinking about me that I sensed. The other two grandmothers put on the serious pressure, asking me when I�m coming home. Bio gram was more pushy about it, telling me to get a job and get myself home, while step-grandma said that things would happen when they happen and not to worry too much about it. I prefer the latter, though I know that gram is just eager to have me back. I know that she perhaps misses me more than anyone else does.

We saw Phone Booth last night with Andy and a couple of his friends whom we had never met before. The movie was good, but I don�t think I care to spend much more time with the friends. They were so very boring and one was not terribly intelligent to top it off. We weren�t originally planning on either seeing the movie or meeting the friends, but we had to go and pick up Luke�s house key and our visit happened to coincide with their respective arrivals. At least there was some respite when they went to dinner and we came home between deciding to go to a movie and actually seeing it. We didn�t go to dinner because we can�t afford it. For all intents and purposes, we can�t even afford groceries if we want to be able to pay the rent and even that is doubtful, but we have no food, so we have to shop this afternoon. I figure that we can just get a loan from M if we come up short on the rent. I�m considering dropping my health insurance to ease the burden. I�ve only had it less than a month, but every dollar counts and the seventeen or so dollars every week that it takes to insure me is too much of a drain. I�m looking for jobs, but it just seems as though there�s nothing out there. I�m going to take a legitimate stab at a couple of things this week. There are ads for caregivers for DD kids, which I imagine will be far less horrendous than working with DD adults. Wish me luck.

I have a feeling that Luke�s and my drought may be over. There was much fun this over the past couple of days and it gives me renewed hope that all is not lost.

I had a very strange experience last night. I was online checking my email and various things when I got an IM from someone who had long been removed from my Buddy List. He didn�t remember who I was, despite his having professed his love for me a few years ago. I didn�t mind that he couldn�t remember me as I just have a fantastic memory for things that really need not be remembered most of the time. Apparently, he had been offline for a couple of years and was only on because he recently lost his fianc�e. I guess she had bad lungs, which made her heart pump too much and the transplant list didn�t get to her in time. I did what I could to try and help him, to listen, but he�s always been relatively uninterested in receiving responses when he feels badly. It just seems like crap of that sort only happens to me. Luke never gets IMs from people he used to know, but I seem to get them at least every few months. It also seems as if it�s never the people I want to pop up out of the blue. It�s always people with whom I had fallings-out in high school or people I would idly chat with (this person falling into the latter category). It�s not like I don�t ever want to talk to them again, but now that they�re back it�s not really adding anything to my life and I can�t just tell them to leave me alone because I can�t be that outright rude to people, no matter how much I may want to.

I also came across some of my old writing last night. I knew where it was all along, but didn�t bother to read any of it because I thought that I knew what was there. It�s all on a Zip disk and some of it is so good. I remember which ones I thought were my favorites at the time, the ones that tended to get the most criticism, but now that it�s been a few years and I have a more objective view of it all, I see that the ones that got praise were in fact the good ones. I sometimes miss being able to fire off poems like I did then; it was as if metaphors and imagery would just take me over. I was a poetic machine. I don�t know what happened to it. I know I could get it back if I wanted to, but I just haven�t been motivated lately. I�m sure it�ll pop back up when it�s ready. It is funny, though, that I found poems based off of no fewer than three different guys, all of whom I had been semi-involved with around that time. One is even based on my early experiences in this very relationship and it is by far the most positive. Go figure.

In other news the cat has taken to head-sleeping again. Two nights in a row now, he has snuck up onto my pillow while I�m sleeping and nearly crowded me out. Thankfully, he doesn�t fully succeed. I guess he�s been doing the same thing to Luke as well. I think that he may just be desperate for love since we were gone for a night recently. He used to head-sleep when we first got him, and that�s what caused us to make the �no kitty in bed with us� rule. While it is truly the cutest thing on the planet, sometimes it is beyond annoying.