She made me a beautiful hand stitched blanket when she heard I was born. It�s pink with little white squares inside which reside hand-embroidered animals of every type. The bottom animal in the right corner is a blue bird and my name and birth date were painstakingly embroidered inside below it. After hearing that she had died last night I wanted to sleep with it, but unfortunately it�s at M&G�s, so I�m completely out of luck there.

It�s jarring to think that people who have always been alive aren�t there anymore. On top of this I also learned that my Grandmama has been moved from assisted living to the nursing home where my aunt works. Stairs are getting difficult and assisted living didn�t offer her everything that she seems to need these days. I�m in a minor panic. I don�t want her to go before I have a chance to see her. Living: not laid out in a coffin with strange colored skin and glued-shut eyes. I�m aggravated at myself for thinking when I left that everything would remain static, that nothing, right down to their hairstyles, would change in my absence. Growing decrepit and elderly were the farthest things from my mind at the time.

My beloved step-grandmother is having a hard time as well. Since I�ve left she�s given up driving, is losing her sight at an rapid rate, and has more than likely become rather reclusive since her outward mobility is dependent upon whether or not someone else is busy. I just hope she�s adapting well and still vibrant by the time I go home. I don�t want to find my family in ruin, don�t want to see that they�ve aged.