� 2003-05 Design and Content by Disco
Listening to Tears For Fears - Head Over heels||Thinking about why I even bother with having a family||
@ 11:25 am on 12.16.03
I�m a very unhappy girl today and I spent a good bit of time last night curled up on the floor crying. I�d had a fine day, perfect even, until I decided to check my email. Sitting in my inbox was something from my dad. He said he doesn�t want us visiting next month, that we should save money, and they�d make poor hosts. He should really know that this isn�t the sort of thing that you tell your daughter, especially since she spent a good 17 years of her life hearing that you don�t want her from her mother. Luke just held me, didn�t make me speak, said to me, �you know that wherever I am, that�s your home, right?� and it broke my heart. I know that fact all too well. Sometimes, he is the only place I feel comfortable both with myself and with my surroundings. When we�re in a crowded place full of strangers, all I have to do is look at him to know that everything will be okay. The feeling of abandonment is still all too strong, though.We spent all of Sunday with Andy and Muppet. We saw Elf with Andy and had some dinner and went to a pub with Muppet for appetizery stuff and political conversation. We keep trying to figure out why he�s a Republican when he disagrees with so much. But, then again, he also says one thing and then backtracks to cover up his statements. I just don�t understand it.
Yesterday we slept, woke, had sex, ate, watched tv, had more sex, bummed around, and then had my heart broken. We�ve decided to give each other promise rings for Christmas instead of taking a plane to a place we�re not wanted. We can probably spend less on 2 rings than we would have on the tickets, so that makes me happy. I was worried when I brought it up, but Luke seems to be behind it, saying that even though rings make him a little claustrophobic (physically, he�s not afraid of the commitment), he�s got to get sued to wearing one at some point, so he may as well start now.
Last night, while we were lying in bed cuddling, he told me that M had asked him what I want for Christmas. So, let me get this right; she waits until she has nine days left to fucking ask? What�s up with that? So, I gave Luke a list of stuff that I�d like and he said he�d report back to her tout de suite.
So, now I�m alone waiting until I�m done here to take Nigel for a walk and eat something.
